Before we move on, a record-business riddle

 Before we move on, a record business riddleQ. How many record execs does it take to change a light bulb?

A. First of all, before we change anything, is the light bulb really burned out? Maybe we just need to breathe some life into it; repackage it, maybe the light bulb could do a duet with somebody in hopes of getting some crossover appeal, maybe it could be in beer commercial, and maybe we could get it out on the road with brighter light bulb. The other thing to think about is that this summer, Honda is rolling out $100 million campaign for a new car aimed at thirty-somethings who consider themselves adventurous/spontaneous but can’t really afford something like a luxury SUV and it might be a perfect campaign to tie this light bulb into, at least it would be the perfect demographic, I terms of age.

Also, and this is just an idea: what if we found out what video games are being released in the third quarter and maybe pitch the idea of having our light bulb make an appearance in the video game at some certain level of completion; like, you get to a dark cave ,let’s say, if it’s an adventure game, and if you have enough points, you can get the light bulb – and it would be OUR light bulb, obviously- and then it’s easier to see in the cave.

The other thing is this: worst-case scenario the light bulb is, in fact, burned out. Is that really the end of the world? I mean maybe that’s actually of more value to us in the long run. Picture this for voiceover: “The light bulb is dead…but the legend lives on…rereleased, remastered, revealed…..the light bulb…. in stores now.” It almost makes more sense than taking the time changing it, plus, if it’s dead we can sell it without dealing with it. You know what I mean? No demands from it, no hotels, no road expense, no delays in the project from its end, etc. But, like I said, I’m just thinking off the top of my head here, just brainstorming, and none of this is written in stone.

But the first thing we should do is figure out how we want to handle this, because the light bulb‘s manager is a total nightmare and we’re going to have to take a meeting and listen to him sooner or later, ad we should know what our plan is before we sit down with him. And let me tell you right now the first thing out of his mouth is going to be:

“this light bulb should be the brightest light bulb in the world, and it could be the brightest light bulb in the world, but you need to support the light bulb, you need to give the light bulb TV ads, you need to be more active in giving the light bulb tour support, we need to have some promotion from your end!”

…and on and on. And in that meeting, if you’re in it, the only answer from our side should be that we’re obviously very excited to be working with the light bulb, that we don’t think it needs to be changed, the only problem is people haven’t seen how bright the light bulb could be, and our plan is to do everything we can to make this light bulb happen

I’ll send out an e-mail to everyone before the meeting to remind people of our position on this, but the bottom line is we don’t have the budgets right now, and basically we need to see something happening with the light bulb before we go throwing good money after bad, but obviously we cant have the light bulb‘s manager hearing that. I can tell you al that I’m personally very excited to be working with the light bulb. I think it will light up very brightly, and were not going to stop working the light bulb, in whatever ways budgets will permit, until it does, in fact, light up very brightly…

The light bulb is a very big priority for us from the top of the company to the bottom. Period. We can talk more about this when I am back from Barbados next week, and I’m going to need everybody’s help on this. I know we can do it, but we need everybody working hard

- Excerpt from Rock On, a highly amusing look at the record industry, by Dan Kennedy.  You can check it out here

MP3:

Ugly Kid Joe – Mr Recordman

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